That’s sort of always been my line of thinking. I won’t get cancer, I won’t get other diseases, because I already have type 1 diabetes. So when a dermatologist looked at my back today and said it was imperative I get a biopsy done, my first thought was, “Biopsy? Me? But I already have type 1.”
The doctor went on to state that I have a lot of funny looking moles, lots of freckles, lots of what he sees as reasons for concern. He asked if I had ever been to the tanning bed. I lied and said, “No, never” because (and in my defense) he asked in a way that prompted me to imagine getting bopped on the head if I so even hint at an affirmative. I did admit I have spent plenty of time in the sun but I’ve never burnt to the point of blistering. And I try to make sure I never burn. The doctor said the susceptibility was largely genetic and that my skin was a perfect storm for skin cancer. When I asked why, he explained that I have skin that tans easily but I have a lot of moles and freckles and sun spots and sensitive skin to boot. I’m also developing scar moles which begin as a result of a small injury and result in a mole that can easily become cancerous. I seem to have three. One showed up when I was 13, the other two within the last three years. The doctor said I’m likely to get more of these in the future and he said “don’t worry you can see a plastic surgeon if needed”. Correction. I can’t afford a plastic surgeon. You gotta be kidding me.
To be honest the way this doctor talked just about scared me out of my skin. By the time I was driving home I was imagining my Alex, struggling to take care of our twins all on his own. I kept trying to snap out of the worry. It does no good and I am probably fine. However, this doesn’t exactly calm my anxiety that has been roaring lately and it sure reminds me of the reality people with diabetes face. It’s not like because we have this disease, that’s what our plight in life is going to be. We are going to have all the other struggles others have only with diabetes layered inconveniently on top.
That’s what is so frustrating to me. I just got back into working out now that my foot injury has healed and my mysterious illness of the last few months has disappeared and I now have orders to take it easy and not sweat. And that means my mood and my blood sugars will be affected. Type 1 diabetes means that my risk for developing cancer is slightly higher than if I didn’t have diabetes. Type 1 diabetes means that my recovery for surgical procedures and injuries is going to be challenged. Type 1 diabetes means that my cup of anxiety can much more easily overflow with life’s experiences because type 1 diabetes keeps it full to the brim. Sometimes it’s just all too much to handle.
And that’s why I CAN’T have cancer. I hope someone up there is listening.
*Update* Test results: Benign. Phew! :)