Being Bad


Some people are perfectionists.  I have a little of that.  As a result, I beat myself in the head with thoughts having to do with self improvement and practice makes perfect and try again until it’s right and so on.

Because of this tendency I find that I can easily go to extremes.  About losing weight, I have a hard time keeping reasonable thinking like, “I want to lose 5 pounds.”  Instead it’s “I want to be thin like I was at age 10”.  Or instead of thinking “I need to eat more vegetables” I may think, “I’m going to eat nothing but vegetables from now on until the end of time”.

I don’t actually stick to those extremes thank goodness, but it’s a nagging tendency that isn’t healthy and certainly not comfortable.

Something I learned at IIN, where I graduated recently, was to sometimes “be bad”.  Not go-to-jail bad, but stop-striving-for-unobtainable-perfection bad.

So I’ve found that when I get wrapped up in thinking that I will never eat another bite of anything unhealthy again, I plan for a night with a little ice cream.

Or recently, I got myself some clove cigars that I really like and have one when I’m feeling like all the “right” choices are kind of stifling me with boredom.

It’s hard to try to be “good” or “compliant” all the time and with pretty well managed diabetes, that’s what it feels like.  I mean, I give insulin to bring down a 130.  To me, that kind of control is worth it, I truly believe so, but to balance all that I sometimes sleep in my makeup, smoke the occasional cigar, skip a shower, or read the Fifty Shades Trilogy (yes, I read that marvelous piece of literary crap.  In three days.  My world stopped for a week.  Don’t worry about me I’ve recovered.  Team Matt Bomer!).

Being “bad” reminds me to chill.  It also makes me realize that if my idea of being bad is sleeping in my makeup, then I think I’m going to be ok.

What about you?  What do you do to be bad?

3 thoughts on “Being Bad

  1. Ariana {And Here We Are...}

    Sysy, I think you and I are cut from the same cloth. I struggle with extremism when it comes to doing the “right” thing. With diabetes, there’s even more justification for letting these tendencies take over. I had dessert twice when we were in London. I don’t do much dessert outside of dark chocolate, so it felt awfully good (and *bad*) to have affogato as soon as we arrived.

    Also, where do you get your cloves? I was looking for some, and thought they had been banned by Obama. I searched high and low in Germany as well, even in Turkish shops, to no avail. I haven’t looked here.

  2. Sysy Post author

    You’re right about there being more justification because of the diabetes, Ariana. It supports the extremism for sure!

    Affogato! mmm I’ve only heard of it :D

    About the cigarettes, the ban hasn’t come into effect, yet. I think they can be bought online once the ban has been placed. Here:

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