Zoloft Killed that Loving Feeling


I’m weaning myself off Zoloft.

I’ve been on it for about a year and a half now.  It has one major side effect for women-a sharp decrease in libido.  Others say it completely wipes it out.  I guess it depends on the person and how much they are taking.  Zoloft is an extremely popular drug in the US for anxiety and depression.  I started taking it for anxiety and a PMS disorder that I have and have been getting myself off because that one side effect is just too much.  I mean, I didn’t marry my husband so that we could just be best buds who partner up to raise children together, ya know?

But, getting off Zoloft takes time because withdrawal symptoms are harsh.  The times I’ve missed a dose or two I’ve felt like a squirrel on crack (I dunno, just picture what that must be like) and had major nausea on top of that.  A friend of mine recently pointed out the brilliance of this drug’s natural marketing ability.  Stopping it causes anxiety and depression which is what it treats in the first place.  There doesn’t seem to be any major health risks associated with taking it so it’s easier in the short term to just keep taking it.  Except if you’re a female, of course, and not a nun.

I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to write publicly about this.  I do so because I think it’s possible that this drug has been responsible for some divorces or major relationship woes out there.  Because if you’re not aware of this side effect, you really might think you no longer love the person you’re with.  I mean, this is what separates us from our friends!  Seriously, without the awareness of Zoloft’s side effects your physical symptoms which manifest as “don’t touch me” might tell your logic (and that of your partner’s) that “I’ve lost that loving feeling, time to move on”.  I’ve always been one to research whatever medication I take to be aware of side effects so luckily for me it was more a matter of working around the issue with a patient and understanding husband.

Honestly, the way I’m working around the issue now is getting off this darn pill.  I’m down to 35mg and while I do this, I am finding it harder to cook, clean, and get out of bed in the morning (in other words, doing things I dislike).  I also worry about my anxiety raising my blood pressure, which has been high in the past and therefore a problem I realistically foresee having “any day now”.  But, I feel more like myself (I’m a naturally moody person, perhaps I should embrace that fact and just go with it) and I’m finding that exercising to the point of dripping with sweat is the best remedy for my negative tendencies.  Exhaustion from working out is calming so, it works as long as I just do it.

I’m all for a holistic lifestyle but also getting help when it’s needed.  Right now I need off this and if shoving my behind out the door every other day for a 5k run is going to help, then I will just have to suck it up.  So far so good!

One more thing, do I regret taking Zoloft in the first place?  Um, not really.  I was having panic attacks and not parenting my young children as well as I could because I was paranoid of what might happen to them.  Taking this for a while helped me not feel so afraid and live life without so much hesitation.  My whole family benefited from this.  But I think I’m ready to live without it.

Anyone else have experience with this?

17 thoughts on “Zoloft Killed that Loving Feeling

  1. Kate

    5k every other day! Wow, amazing! I’m sure you’ll be feeling back to “normal” in no time Sysy. I’ve tried a couple of these types of drugs for either depression or anxiety before. I agree that they helped in the short term, but I experienced the same effect with all of them. It’s frustrating that they take away a part of life that can be so healthy, nurturing, and definitely at times necessary(!), in the guise of making us feel better. Personally, I stopped because I no longer felt any of the ups and downs that reminded me I was alive. I felt detached from too much in life. Best of luck with concurring the anxiety and thanks for the inspiration. Today I will run and enjoy the feelings it brings!

  2. scully

    Are you reading my mind? (or my blog) This is just uncanny.

    I am right there with you except my evil love dissipating drug is Effexor that I’m trying to get off of. Any tips? I’m trying everything right down to counting the granules in the capsules day to day.

    This stuff is good when you need it but terrible when you don’t.

  3. Tim

    Thanks Sysy, I totally agree. The more we all share about the various medications we take and their side effects the better. Being diabetic has its share of effects from a sexual perspective that all of us have to deal with to one degree or another, men and women alike. Openly sharing tips and information can only benefit all of us. Thanks for being brave enough to do that. I agree, exercise can help with lots of issues we all face, perhaps your husband will go out and run/exercise with you. From my perspective that can only lead to even better things…


  4. Laura P.

    I am so glad you wrote about this. My husband started taking an anti-depressant for anxiety about 18 months ago until he was done with his graduate program. He recently weaned himself off of it was horrible. He tried so hard to control his anger and impatience, but he would just crack. He wanted so badly to not be dependent on them. I about told him to forget it and just take them for the rest of his life, but then all of a sudden things got a lot better. I guess it just had to work out of his system. That tells you how powerful these drugs are. It took a little over a month for his body to regulate. I juiced for him- to no avail and made him go to bed early, but it just took time. I wish people understood that more so they can just hold on and find other solutions to their issues than drugs. Good job Sysy. There is a place for these medicines, but hopefully not long term. We just have to make sacrifices for our weird and wonderful genes!!

  5. Jayne

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for writing this!! I am currently on Zoloft for depression, have been on it for nearly a year, and lately I was beginning to worry, ‘Do I still love my husband?’ After reading this I am so assured that it is my medication affecting my feelings towards him! I needed to read this this morning. Thank you!

  6. mary

    You can wean off of Effexor. It took me over a year but I did it!
    It is called Beading…look it up online. Removing a few of the beads each week is key. Pay attention to your symptoms and don’t go to fast. It is a process. I have been free of this drug for over 2 years now and can honestly say I won’t go on it again!


  7. Adam

    Its nice to read all of the postings here. Although I am not the one having to take the medication, it’s very frustrating being the other half; so to speak. My wife, who has been in my life since we were teenagers, is the person taking Zoloft. I’ve been through it all with her. The lowest points, the self harm, the mental heath system. Years of depression, anxiety and mis-diagnosis. Through lots of work on her part and with lots of therapy she has pulled through and has been in a great place for the last three years. Though, I feel I still carry some scars from that time in our lives, I would do it all over again for her.
    I married her knowing where we stood in the bedroom. That being said, it is so hard to not be able to be attracted to your wife. I have to shut down any physical thoughts, better yet, lust, I have for her. It’s awkward, to say the least sometimes. It’s like everyone says, were just friends sleeping in the same bed. You become “Comfortably numb”. It’s de-masculating. No matter what I do she’s not attracted to me like that. When we do have sex, she can’t have an orgasm and although shes good about it, she is the one who becomes frustrated.

    The situation doesn’t really bother her, out of sight, out of mind. Where as being a man of 33 well…
    I would never cheat on her. I also don’t have a huge labedo, but you have to find other ways to stimulate yourself which I’d rather not have to do. But I have needs as well.
    That being said, the alternative is terrifying. I don’t ever want to see my wife ever suffer like she did before, again. If she were to come off of the drug and have a re-lapse, I can’t imagine, nor would I ever forgive myself for being so selfish.

    Thanks for providing a place to get this out. It’s a redundant conversation with my wife ( To be clear, I don’t mean that in a demeaning way towards her). It’s just there is no point of bringing it up. It’s redundant, frustrating and at this point really doesen’t serve any purpose. There is no real solution and it’s frustrating for her, when the topic is brought up. The drug, like most drugs, is a double edged sword. It brings balance and happiness and pain and frustration at same time.
    So much for having your cake and eating it too.

  8. Tony

    I feel like I just lived your story. My fiancee just broke up with me after more than 4 years together and told me that she only loves me a friend and can’t be intimate with me because of it. I know she was on Zoloft about a year ago but I don’t know if/when she stopped using it because she never felt comfortable talking about it. Now I’m reading all these stories about women losing interest in their partners while they are on Zoloft and also as a result of a sudden stoppage in use. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can try to salvage my relationship?

  9. kelly

    is there anyway to get through to my fiance. he has been inlove with me for ten years, started zoloft, and now hates me criticizes every move i make and is high strung jumpin around. i dont know what to do. i tryed readin articles of similar situations to him. Hes actually lucky and didnt have depression or severe anxiety to begin with. Could this be why he has such drastic personality changes?

  10. jose

    Zoloft killed my long term relationship.

    My (ex) girlfriend started taking it for anxiety and depression. She was a sweet, loving woman who previously had done some CBT. A tragedy caused her to seek more counseling and instead of CBT that doc put her on Zoloft. The first two or three months she felt better and it was great.

    Then her libido took a massive dive and her personality started to change. I realize now that she wasn’t pair bonding with me anymore because she stopped experiencing orgasms during our (increasingly limited) intimate time. She became moody, resentful, disrespectful and gained a ton of weight. She could recognize all of these issues but was so emotionally numb that she didn’t care to address them. Almost a year later, there was nothing I could do… I had to end it.

    Get on YT and watch some of the videos of people posting progress reports on Zoloft. I can’t find one example of a person who’s life was improved in the long term by this drug. It is a stop gap at best. It is terrifying and sad. Avoid this drug like the plague, get competent counseling for your loved ones instead.

  11. Rachel


    I’d rather be happy, and have less to no sex drive, with a partner I am completely emotionally attracted to; and that ultimately respects me, and what the right things for my body are.


    Being depressed, attracting people that are likeminded (depressed), self-loathing and hard to be around & having sex with them more frequently.

    Zoloft has given a me a life that makes me fully functional to my fullest. Sex is just another thing to add too it. Yes I have sex a lot less, hell – I barely date! But when I do have sex I make sure to use lots of lubricant, and that the person I am with is aware of my body and where I stand.

    I found off Zoloft, I was having a lot more sex, but the partners I had were not of my desire when I started to have a clearer mind with my medication.

  12. Sysy Post author

    Thanks for your comment. Everyone needs to do what works for them, that’s for sure. Are you working towards getting off Zoloft in the future? Or is dating something you are content not to be doing right now?

  13. S. Stewart

    Firstly, I’m not a T1D bit my 15 year old daughter is. I was on Zoloft and had the opposite reaction…my libido returned! I went off it (stupidly) because I was feeling back to my normal cheery self. Then over the course of the last year my depression has returned as well as my non-existent libido. I’m starting back up next week and look forward to it.
    I’m sorry some of you have had a rather poor experience with it. This just wasn’t the fix for you. There are so many other ssri drugs out there. If you go off the meds and feel yourself slipping back into your old depressing habits, please don’t wait as long as I did to get back on them. Good luck to all of you!
    I don’t think I will be upset if my daughter behaves like a nun for the next couple of years (on the upside…for me anyways)?

  14. Tom


    As these posts and comments seem to go back a few years I hope this is still an active site and discussion…

    I can relate so much to what has been shared here. My wife has been on Zoloft for about a year now. And I truly feel that I’m between a rock and a hard place. She had been experiencing significant depressive episodes and other issues… for which Zoloft has been a godsend. But the flip side is as so many others have said it’s like I’m now living with my best friend. She has changed so much… and I feel at a loss as to what to say or do. We’ve tried to talk about intimacy and other issues but it’s just a non-starter. I still love her but there doesn’t seem to be any romantic love there anymore. And she’s changed in many other subtle ways as well. It’s like I’m living with a different person and I feel helpless. I don’t want her to go back to the way she was with struggling with depression and anxiety and so forth. But I feel all of this has affected our relationship and again I don’t know what to do or where to turn. It’s deeper than pure physical intimacy and so troubling…

    She will occasionally meditate or exercise, but not very often. She has said she would increase her dosage of Zoloft (now 100mg) if she could. I am literally afraid of losing her to this drug.

    Suggestions and comments most welcome.

  15. Sysy Post author

    Hi Tom. You have my deepest sympathy. When I was feeling a lot of depression and anxiety, I struggled to empathize with my husband’s perspective. He never complained or gave me a hard time but I could tell that the drug’s side effects were very hard on him. However my feelings were so overwhelmed that I couldn’t spend much time worrying on his. I had a hard time for about 2 years when I came off Zoloft. I wasn’t super depressed but I did struggle. Aside from supportive lifestyle habits like diet and exercise, I had a paradigm shift. I started to change the way I viewed my circumstances and thinking thanks to some things I learned. I’d be happy to share what helped via email at sysymorales@gmail.com if you want. If you don’t want to, i’d at least suggest being very directly honest with your wife. Reassure her but also be honest about your fears and feelings. Together you could make some sort of plan for figuring out the situation. If she can do therapy, i’d highly recommend that, too. There is an underlying reason she is depressed and anxious and that needs to be dealt with. Framing things in her mind differently might help. For example I used to get really overwhelmed as a stay at home mom and would worry that I was missing out on other things and basically I didn’t recognize or value what I was doing. When I got myself to see the value and recognize the greatness of it (which meant rejecting SO much from society’s messages on the subject) I was shocked to find I felt much happier. I did this with other things that were bothering me and it helped. Coupled of course with embracing grit and pride in hard work and all that is virtuous. Living life in line with one’s values eases a lot of internal distress. If this is related to diabetes or other health issues, then tackling the health issues will help greatly. Best of luck and please feel free to email.

  16. Tom

    Hello and thank you Sysy. My wife is in therapy but as you know her therapist is at the mercy of what she wishes to share. And yes, she has had quite a life prior to our meeting… and I am glad she is receiving help navigating all of that.

    I only have a minute but my thought was if you’d like to share any more here publicly than perhaps others may benefit from it as well (as I’m sure they already have) but I will probably email you sometime.

    Thanks again for your sharing and suggestions.

  17. Heather Gardiner

    My husband was on Zoloft, and about a month ago, he filed for divorce out of the blue. He said he fell out of love with me. The time frame he mentioned is while he was on Zoloft. He quit cold turkey about 3 weeks ago. (Really worried because I know withdrawal symptoms are going to happen) Anyway he basically had me served and moved in with another woman almost immediately. Then ignored our daughter and I for a couple weeks. He had barely started coming around, or calling again. I think he is regaining emotions. What I want to know is, will that feeling of love come back? I don’t want to divorce him. Any insight would be great. My email is kurama_lover21@yahoo.com

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