My site was down for a few days last week due to switching hosting providers. I don’t recommend Just Host by the way (they don’t hesitate to shut down your site before communicating a simple issue with you). I recommend a company like Skeweredrook, who now hosts this blog, and actually cares about providing excellent customer service to clients and who takes the responsibility very seriously. Luckily, this company is also owned by a friend- one who believes in ethical business practices. Anyway, I wrote this last Thursday when my twins turned two, here is the belated post :)
My twins, Henri and Aurora turn two today. Three years ago I was stressed out of my mind planning a wedding and struggling to drop just one more pound for the dress. My diabetes stressed me, as usual, and in the middle of my wedding ceremony I worried my blood sugar would drop and I’d ruin a photo op with a juicy juice box in hand. I felt overwhelmed three years ago and if only I could go back and pat my poor self on top of the head and say, “Oh…if you only knew what the future had in store for you-this is nothin’!”
Basically, more suffering and joy than I could have ever imagined. I’m not one of those mothers that walks around on a cloud saying that motherhood is when life began and when my life became complete. For example, I would never tell a woman who couldn’t conceive that she’d never really live. There are many great things in life and parenting is just one of them. I have a huge emotional side to my personality and an equally large logical one. (Although one does often trump the other) When my twins were born I felt my body had just told me what I had long since needed to hear: that my diabetes hadn’t ruined my body and that it was still very much capable of great things. I genuinely did not know this before becoming pregnant. If ever I felt a twinge of pain somewhere I immediately threw my hands up in despair and assumed diabetes was behind it.
The other thing I felt when my twins were born was a surge of focus and motivation I had never experienced before. Before my twins I had to sleep 8 hours a night or I was hardly able to get up for work at 5:30am the next day. Suddenly, I was a different person, one who sometimes skipped her precious 2-3 hours of sleep during the night just to write this blog. I don’t know how I did it.
The last two years have been like no other and has taught me so many life lessons. I have learned who I am and come to embrace it and I have learned all too well that “it’s not all about me”. I’m a first born, what can I say? Life is about giving and participating. It’s not necessarily easy or fun. The past two years have mostly not been easy or fun. And yet, I will cherish the memories from this time because of the purpose and meaning it has brought. Life is nothing without it.
The most exciting thing for me is the opportunity to raise two human beings to be kind, courageous, full of empathy, open-minded, and their own brand of intelligent. My job is to protect them as needed and to ensure they grow up as healthy and safe as possible. I will observe where their passions and energy lie and point them gently in that direction and provide never ending encouragement. My job isn’t to make them happy, though. And I’ll never suggest their job is to make me happy. It’s my job to be happy and show them that we all are responsible for our own feelings, thoughts, and actions. I want my kids to know the power is within them to decide how they are going to feel and act. I love to imagine how empowered they’ll be if I can get this message across. Easier said than done of course, since the way to teach them this is for me to live it and show that it works. They sure fuel my motivation, though :)
Henri, Aurora, I love you both more than you’ll ever know. I’m already so proud of who you are. Henri, don’t ever forget how gentle, thoughtful, and sweet you are (even though you are also quite bright, playful, and adventurous). Aurora, don’t be afraid to be yourself. I can already see so much depth and uniqueness in you and hope you never underestimate your quiet strength, your beauty, your creative talents. When you find yourselves lost, think, “How can I help?” Put your attention on serving others and let your gifts lead the way. Then you’ll be happy AND successful. It works for all who do it, I promise.